Conversations With Koreans: Wait, we aren’t friends?

“Thank you”, “Hello”, “Give me… please” and some other phrases and words are among a small number of words that foreigners simply in Korea learn and included in this is usually the phrase chingu , translated loosely as “friend”. Foreigners splice this term into their sentences that are english hesitation and employ it seemingly without understanding what it really means. That is probably certainly one of my minimum favorite words in Korean and I’ll explain why.

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Some years back, I happened to be using Korean lessons four days per week for four hours every day. I became devouring just as much because I was dating a Korean man, most of my friends were Korean and of course I was living in Korea and I wanted to make life just a bit easier as I could of the language. Before you take the classes, I became hesitant and weary of the things I perceived as forced respect inside the guidelines associated with language, components of the language that force us to show a respect that we might n’t have for someone. Simply because individuals are older jackd update doesn’t suggest they always deserve respect as well as that point I’d held it’s place in sufficient circumstances to learn that a number of, usually, men simply assumed in numerous ways that I should be respectful of them even though they disrespected me. Through the classes, we learned simple tips to show my disapproval when being disrespected without being downright rude and I also learned just how to be much more assertive in Korean. One of the greatest lessons I discovered, nonetheless, ended up being that I have almost no “friends” in Korea. (From here in out “friend” in parenthesis will be the Korean kind of buddy while a freestanding buddy will end up being the English version.)

My better half, boyfriend during the time, and I also chose to have a meet up at our home and invited our close Korean friends. There were about 10 of us across the dining table and I ended up being the only foreigner in the area. As of this point, I’d known my boyfriend and all sorts of of their friends for a great 4 or 5 years plus in my indigenous tongue, we would call them my buddies. Following the meals had been finished plus the dishes picked up, I was thinking a game title could be fun. Using what I’d learned from class on how best to phone somebody by name, we stated, “So-yung-a, would you like to play a casino game?” with the reduced type of the language. I’d been confidence that is gaining the language and utilizing it whenever I could. There clearly was an audible gasp and after a couple of seconds of silence, So-yung said, “yes,” but two for the more aggressively conservative people in the group told me i really couldn’t say “So-yung-a” to So-yung.

Friend 1: So-yung is avove the age of you may be.

Friend 2: You can’t say “So-yung-a” because you’re younger than this woman is.

Me personally: We’re friends though.

Friend 1: No, you’re not friends with So-yung.

Me: just What do you really suggest? I’ve known her for decades. She is had by me contact number within my phone. I see her a whole lot. Our company is friends and my guide says that is an ending that is appropriate a friend.

Friend 2: No, you can’t be friends because she actually is more than you may be.

Me: we don’t determine what you’re saying.

Friend 1: it is possible to simply be buddies with somebody that’s the same age as your self.

Me personally: Well, that doesn’t make any sense. You might be all my buddies and you are clearly all avove the age of i will be.

Friend 1: We aren’t your pals.

After because I was just told I had no friends and also because the language they were using to express their viewpoint was very aggressive and I don’t handle aggressive situations very well that I went to my room for a little cry mostly. Originating from a teaching viewpoint, aggressively attacking students for making use of a word or a phrase inappropriately hardly ever helps make the pupil respond in a way that is positive. Often, the learning student becomes more fearful to utilize the language or make an effort to utilize words in the foreseeable future unless they’re completely clear on their meaning. We also reminded my “friends” later that I don’t attack them if they misuse a word, if it is exceptionally rude, We remind myself it’s not their first language and I also attempt to assist them understand just why it can be taken the wrong method. My “friends” but, are not so patient with my language acquisition. I had taken some things and words in the book for granted not realizing they didn’t mean what it appeared they meant though I had excitingly read through my lesson books and went through discussions in my class. Two associated with more tolerant members of our group came in to calm me personally and explain in nicer terms just what everyone had gotten so upset about.